Last May my husband and I took an impromptu trip to Tennessee. It was shortly after my son’s second hospital stay of the year and the hardest winter season I have had in a long time. We needed a break, a good dose of nature but also we needed to assess what we wanted for our future. The past few years dealing with the pandemic and other personal experiences reaffirmed our values, highlighted what we could live with and what we could not, and made us realize that our future and how we want to experience life here on Earth are in our hands.
During the pandemic, my husband was faced with a big decision at work which prompted the choice of staying or leaving. Having been there over a decade he was comfortable in his position there and we were secure financially. The decision was not easy but he took a risk and decided to leave. His new job ended up being a better fit for him, with a great community of co-workers and added perks like being fully remote.
Around this same time, my daughter was set to start kindergarten. We registered her in the spring but all summer long my gut was telling me it was not the right decision. I could not get comfortable with sending her masked up and socially distanced for her first school experience. Tensions were high with everyone, especially in the school system and I knew being the sensitive, extremely aware individual that she is, she would take that energy on herself. We decided to homeschool and it turned out to be a great blessing.
Looking back now, those two decisions were invitations from the universe guiding us toward a higher purpose. They gave us the freedom to make big moves.
Now one year later, our whole lives are packed up into two PODS and I am sitting here on my parent’s deck in Michigan writing this while we wait for our rental house to be ready in Tennessee. We were seriously considering moving out of state for a few months but once we fully committed everything happened within a matter of weeks. It’s like the universe sighed and said, “Thank you for finally listening!”
Big changes are scary. I spent many nights crying and questioning the decision to completely uproot our lives and move to a place where we know no one. Praying my kids would adapt well and we would find a new community we loved. Grieving the life I thought I would have living in my hometown and already missing the people who have become staples in my everyday life. The thing about choosing to leave is that it’s not any easier. Making a choice to better your life does not alleviate the deep emotions and heartache that come with that choice. In some ways, it’s harder to make a choice than being forced into one.
You are Luminous on IG posted this a while back and it just hit home,
“People don’t often talk enough about the discomfort, disorientation, and grief that comes from choosing an entirely new life for yourself especially when that change is so incredibly positive.”
Easy decisions carry little weight and little benefit. The tough, soul-searching, keeping you up at night decisions; those are the life-changing ones.
When I have moments of self-doubt I remember these three things:
- If you don’t try you’ll always wonder what if.
- It’s easier to remember what you will miss, focus on what you will gain.
- Trust the signs, the longings, and your intuition. They are all leading you to something greater.
June 9, 2023